_________ SWAT MAGAZINE ISSUE THIRTY TWO AUGUST 2000  __________
  /         \___________________________________________/          \
 /                           SWAT @ dns con                         \
/                        by -=The Firestarter=-                      \
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Arr well, what do you know? myself and goblinz decided to go to DNS CON
48 hours before it started :o) no shit, we got everything booked and
sorted out in such a short time and it all went smootly (well just
about), no great feat in inself, but all thanks to Goblinz B&B booking
skillz we ended up staying the whole weekend instead of just Saturday.

I met Goblinz at about 4:30pm, on Friday after saying goodbye to my
girlfriend. We bought two tickets to Blackpool via Leeds, woohoo fun.
Now came the daunting task - getting Goblinz computer to Blackpool
in once piece. No it wasn't just a bulky laptop or anything like that.
it was a nice desktop computer with a 14 inch monitor. Oh joy. Well
i made sure that he carried the monitor and 2 of his bags while i took
my bag and "walked" his (well it was on wheels so i pulled it around
and talked to it like a dog the whole time for a laugh).

Getting on the train to Leeds was easy enough, we loaded everything on
and sat down, not before long a the train got packed by a bunch of goons
going to some cricket match, well over crowded is an understatement,
i mean, fucking hell, nobody could move. 

Well it was good fun, anyway we arrived in Leeds in about an hour (well
just under). Next up was the hard part, getting the train to blackpool,
due to goons not unlike the ones on the Leeds train, in the station a
lot of trains where delayed and platforms changed. So we found the
correct platform and waited for ages, time killed only by foneing people
to remain sane. 

We boarded the train and located a couple of seats near a door, there
we talked (a little too loudly) about all of the gear we had that could
be used as a "mobile" piracy station, so we sat on the train for about
2 hours and sent a few text messages to people to confuse them into
thinking that there mobiles where fucked.

(something like: Orange Netork Message: There has been an error with
your mobile phone. Please contact Orange imediatly quoting code 31337")

Well it was fun at the time.

Well another packed train, there we remained for a few hours while
eating crisps and rolls.

Well soon enough we arrived in Blackpool, moved all of the stuff from
the train and towed it along into the main  tation area. It was at,
or about this point that Goblinz and myself took a much needed piss
and foned the Hotel where we stayed.

Well the hotel was "just round the corner from the station", or so the
hotel owners told us, then again when we finally found the hotel (which
involved a taxi journey) we realised that the owners where probably too
stoned to actually note which planet they where on.

Well we paid up our money, well Goblinz paid the money, and we moved
our stuff into the nice little box rooms with plastic coated matresses,
one thing was for sure, i wasn't intending to spend much time in that
room, actually i wasn't intending to spend that much time in the guest
house since i (and everyone else there) wasn't too sure if one of the
hotel owners was in fact female or not. Anyway after moving our stuff
in, (s)he/it went to locate other confrence atendee's whom where hiding
in there rooms (most likely scared of the possible transexual that was
a hotel owner, the other hotel owner, who we believe to be male, was
most likely a drugged up hippy).

Anyway, down came 3 others, the crew from www.geek-ware.co.uk (heh, ok
i can't fully remember everyones name).  We introduced ourselves and
all decided to go out for a drink, so we walked around Blackpool
getting wet as it rained, we wandered into a few pubs, one of which
was a BIG mistake, due to us all ordering drinks and beginning to
socilise with one another, we discovered that we where infact, in a
gay club. So time to form a tight circle facing outwards (and hope
that nobody else got into the center) and quickly move towards the
door.

Once outside we decided what to do, well in the end we all headed into
those cool arcade places, well i dunno exactly what they are called,
but its where we put loads of money into those elite coin pusher thingy's
and won loads
of money (well ok, i won loads of money) then put it all back in and came
out with less than we went in with. 

After that it was night club time, that was pretty cool, NTK was the place
we went into and decided to write "Geek" on our hands, Goblinz kinda took
the piss and wrote all over his arm, well fair enough, he was too drunk
to walk :op
The toilets in NTK had some very cool touch screen computers in there with
some playboy stuff on, personally i never tried them out for the simple
reason that loads of dirty perverts who where previously handling there
dicks would have touched the screens, and i didn't really want to catch
a mixture of syphalis, herpes and genetal warts. Also, if i was right
in thinking they would be somewhat erotic, god knows how many perverted
sicko's had sat in there taking a piss and looking at some bird get her
kit off, only to get an erection and end up pissing not just all over
the wall and themselves but also the screen. Bottom line, they looked
pretty but no way was i gonna test them out.

Well after that it was a case of heading back to the hotel room and setting
(or attempting to set up) a network between Johns laptop and Goblinz' desktop,
a feat that (as far as i know) didn't happen how it should have.

Well after a load of other people dropping by and we got to know them a bit,
i decided to go to bed at around 5am.

9am Goblinz banged on my door and woke me up, so downstairs i went to feed,
a nutrious breakfast of poched egg on toast was presented to me, despite the
fact that i'd rather not eat, i was hungry and i'd already eaten all of my
rolls and crisps that i brought with me.

Anyway, once i'd eaten and Goblinz had showed up, we waited for the
Geek-Ware krew to get ready and we walked to the hotel with them.

Anyway, we arrived at the hotel and showed our passes that we previously
acquired (along with t-shirts), soon enough we got into the confrence room
and sat down.

The first talk was on the DNSCON, that rocked it was about how DNSCON help
out companies and stuff like that. highly interesting, and a bit of
information on "legal hacking", well kinda.

Next we went for a drink once that talk was over, it was pretty cool, i met
a load of people, including Geddon, who ran away and hid shortly afterwards.

We ran a tiny compatition that nobody won, it was who could destroy the most
AS flyers, no body won it because there where very few flyers there and we
ruined them with black pen using the words "SWAT 0wnz AS mag" and such like.



After talking to a number of people and making numerous friends i needed
something to eat, so myself and Goblinz headed downstairs to locate some
food, we met s373n l3m0n in the main reception area, he joined us in our
quest for food and other items :p

A quick walk around blackpool looking for somewhere to eat as well as
looking in sex shops for poppers and other "legal" narcotics, in the
end we ended up in Burger King and ate. We also purchased a few cheap
and tacky BB guns, not all that powerful, but still VERY fun.

On the way back we met up with a large group of people comming from
these where the people whom we'd be with for the main part of the day.
We where looking for PC world, or some other computer related place.
In the end we arrived at Dixons, a large group of 9 or 10 people all
looking increasingly dodgy with Alex DeLarge wearing his new PH.UK
shirt with the words "Hacker" going down the arms soon attracted 
attention from the sales droids there. Well we might as well have
a little fun there, so we bypassed the main freeserve advert screen
saver and decided to play with the settings, personally i just recoded
the autoexec.bat files to erase all of the hard drives on next reboot.
Ok lame, but we where just having fun. Deleting the registary was another
favorite :-p

All its all good fun, afterwards we headed off to all purchase BB guns
and head back to the hotel for a drink and the sandcastle building
compo. 

Well we had a drink and had our photo's taken by a few people (probably
going to be on crimestoppers next month :-p )

Well it was time for the sand castle compo, well ok we where a little late
for it, but we went along anyway. We arrived only to see several people all
building sandcastlels! suprise, suprise :o)

Anyway, we stood on the top of the beach and looked down upon everyone as
well as taking a load of pictures of each other and shit like that, it
was round about this time that we (myself and Goblinz that is), decided
to form a(nother) lynch mob for Geddon, so we asked more or less everyone
who was with us if they would like to help us throw Geddon into the sea,
suprisingly, everyone wanted to help out in one way or another.

So down to the beach we went, firstly to socilise with people and to throw
Geddon into the sea. Well to cut out all of the boring bits like us walking
around and talking to people building up a little "army" of followers to aid
in the dunking of Geddon (yes we did plan it, heh it wasn't our orininal plan
but we couldn't get and tranqualizers, super glue, blow up sheep and a razor
quick enough <lol> ). Anyway, we got Alex Delarge and Sobek to stand one side
of a large muddy pool with cameras waiting to capture the moment we threw geddon
in. So we walked over to Geddon, i grabbed his legs and lifted him up, Goblinz
and Side_show grabed his arms, and we began to carry him, after him trying to
humour us, and most likely convince himself that nothing bad was going to happen.
How wrong he was, well the anus kicked me in the chest in a vain attempt to escape
but it was futile! SWAT and a small group of people had 0wned Geddon, it was
him kicking me that convinced me that walking so far into the water and mud was
worth getting muddy feet for because it only meant he would get covered in more
shit. So there we where, standing on the edge of a niec muddy patch, not paying
any attention to his crys for help, so we threw him in!!!!! In he went and everyone
who was watching either cheered or started laughing, personally i nearly pissed
myself because it was so funny. According to quite a few sources there, Geddon
was crying when we got out of the water, personally i was laughing too much to pay
much attention. 

Once he got up and stormed off we all talked for a while and joked about it.
Soon afterwards the sandcastle compotition came to and end and we all wandered in
for hacker jepordy, ok at this point i'll mention that Alex DeLarge needs to
watch the Matrix again because we took his advice on the question and got it
wrong :op which resulted in us getting knocked out in the first round. Oh well
it was a bit of fun all the same.

Well next we all decided to go up to Alex's room, lol don't get any funny ideas
we where just working out what to do for the rest of the night. Well some of
us wanted to go Beige boxing, but that never happed, so for a while we wandered
around everywhere and ended up back with all of the other people from the
confrence. We after a while things got a tad boring, heh well standing around
while some guy copied the SWAT CD to his laptop can get tedious, so we talked
to some of the guys from A-S and had a good laugh with them, after a while it
was time to go and find Alex.

So myself, Goblinz, S373n L3m0n, Karpet and DNA walked around the hotel looking
for Alex and everyone else that was with him. Our efforts to find him where looking
more and more futile, and we where getting board. So it was time to commence on
a little anarchy while we where there, this set the trend for the night. Well the
anarchy was nothing amazing, it started off by me lifting a bottle of bleech from
the toilet for a laugh, something that i carried with me for a while. Round about
this point we got a phone call from Sobek who was with Alex, they informed us that
they would meet us outside a hotel, so off we walked.
Well to cut a really long and boring part short, we ended up walking around a lot,
Goblinz, myself and DNA went to our hotel to drop stuff off and spent a load of
money on a taxi, we then ran up and down the road by the sea like a bunch of retards
for ages until we finally caught up with Alex and others. 

We ended up going back to Alex's hotel room (again) to decide what we where going
to do. Well we all piled into Alex's small room (all of us being about 10 or so
people), we talked for a while, socialised and stuff, then it came time to leave,
this was only after i deiced to climb into the lopht for a laugh and cover Goblinz
in dust and shit from the atic compartment in the hotel. Also we bleeched some of the
floor with the bottle i stole earlier on that evening. 

Well Obsidian and Sobek refused to give us the beige box so we could have some fun,
so we decided to have a laugh ourselves in other ways. Goblinz, DNA, Karpet and
myself set off on what was to be a night long expadition of anarchy and fun, it all
started the second we left Alex's room. About 5 meters down the corridor i spotted
a fire extingusher and pulled out the pin, moments later DNA used it to hose down
the door at the end of the coridoor (you'd never think a fire extinguisher had such
range!). 

Now it was a case of "if its not screwed down, steal it" as we pulled off stick on signs
from all of the walls and in the toilets. Things became more fun when we began removing
things that where screwed down, this was mainly signs, as we walked down the stairs
towards the hotel exit. Into the night club at the bottom of the hotel we went and
we couldn't resist taking an ash tray puley for a keep-sake. 

Now we wanted some drink, but of course being midnight all of the offlicenses where
shut and we didn't want to pay to get into a nightclub. So we wandered around the town
looking for things to do. After talking to the nice police men about the whereabouts of
a public toilet we soon found ourselves standing in a nice "clean" public toilet
block about 25 feet underground. Well at a glance, it was deserted, well in the sense
that the toilet attendent wasn't there, he/she had obviously thought that since it
was fairly quiet, they could piss off for a few hours. Muhahahahaha how wrong they
where, chances are they got the sack once there superiour saw what had happened to
the toilets.

Well we started off small, i.e we removed loads of little signs that said "insert 5p
and turn knob" these where on every toilet cubical and where used so that people could
use the toilets, all in all there where about 20 cubicals, most of which had the signs
removed. Next up was removal of other signs that where inside the cubicals, i can't
remember what they said, but they where quite big. 
Next up was the removal of an air vent, this was no simple task... well ok it was, we
removed the screws and pulled it off the wall leaving a HUGE hole in the wall.
So we put all of the signs in a bag along with the air vent and looked for more
things to unscrew and steal.

We took a break from our little escapade and went to find food, after laughing at all
of the townies and pissheads around the town we located a place in which to eat, well
a little food outlet, so we ate chips and numerous other food stuffs. 

Since we didn't have any way of getting anything alcoholic, things where looking grim,
in the end DNA saved the day with the numerous ammounts of joints that he had, so
we all decided to get high on them and have a laugh. Where to now? well we located a
just closing shop and went in to buy items, s373n l3m0n on the other hand just decided
to steal them <lol>. Once that was done we returned to the undergound toilets.

This was when we took more notice of an amazing little device that was attached to the
wall, it was designed to count the number of people that came in and out of the toilets.
It was quite big and bulky, just a little bigger than a shoe box. At first we decided to
clock it a bit by waving out hands infront of the beam, over the time we where doing this
we clocked over 10,000 extra hits on it, but this was no good, we wanted it to read
"31337" so we could take a photo, but this did take its time, but it was over 15,000 more
hits away, no time to stand in a rancid underground piss hole for that. So it was
decided.... we would steal it and clock it at the hotel. So we did, DNA and Karpet simply
unscrewed it from the wall and put it in the bad. Then we did a runner to inspect out
new found toy. 

Down a dark alleyway we opened it up and peaked inside, heh, all of those gadgets
and the fucking huge battery was gonna be worth a fortune, teehee, and it was
OURS. 

So we lugged stuff around for a bit longer before heading back to the hotel room, there we
sat and played with things that we found and took photos of them.

There we talked for a few hours before recieving a call from Sobek going on about ALex
getting busted, heh, ok so it was a prank call but it gave us an excuse to get out for
a few hours, in the end (after many more calls) we ended up just sitting down by the
sea chilling out.

Fuck knows how long we stayed there but at about 6am we decided to head off around the
place, that sono got boring so we went back to the hotel.

We sat in s373n l3m0ns room for a while (well DNA and Karpet went back to there hotel soon
after), we talked, then i decided to go to bed coz i had to be up in 2 hours <lol>.

The next day (well when i woke up) it was a case of breakfast then packing. We said
goodbye to all of our new found friends then called a taxi to take us to the peer so
we could buy sticks of rock and poppers. 

Then it was just a case of catching the train home.

All in all 100% good time :)