_________ SWAT MAGAZINE ISSUE THIRTY SEVEN JANUARY __________ / \___________________________________________/ \ / Cheap Scams \ / by Wellso \ ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi everybody, its me, you old buddy Wellso. Here is some cheap tricks for getting things for free that are most probably illegal, but I dont care. Anyway, here they are: FREE CIGARS/FAGS Being the nicotine addict that I am, I found this a cheap way to fuel my habit. Buy a pack of your brand (Panama for me) and smoke all the contents except for one or two. Now you need to multilate these, but make it look believable. Cigars come in those little plastic coating so open one end carefully and rip in half for example. Now place both halves back in the plastic coating and melt the plastic to re-create the seal. Now, look on the back of a pack for a quality control address, and send them the pack explaining the probelm. A ideal letter is: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Tobbaco Man, I recently purchased this pack of (YOUR BRAND) and found that one of the cigars/fags was un-smokable. I had allready smoked the remainder of pack over a period of days so a refund from the place of purchase was impossible. Please can you do something about it? Your sincerely Whateverthefuck ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Soon you should have a complementary pack of cigars etc. Hehehe. Be sure not to rip off the same company twice and remember that some tobbaco companys own more than one brand of cigarette. FREE MONEY This is money via the good old method of stealing. Near where I live there is a wood which is used for paintball. Me and my mate planned a operation and set off one day to this wood. We went in and asked the bloke for information etc. so we could find out when they were packing up for the day. We cased the joint and when everyone left we re-entered. We picked up paintballs as we went to the storage bunker which was (stupidly) unlocked. We loaded hoppers, camo's, ammo into our bags. To maximise the number of camo's we could carry we put some on under out cloths. We also got a tank net for fun. What has this to do with money? Well, my school is full of idiots, who want to *rebel* against the system. You can sell this gear to them telling them its essential for anarchistic duties (Paintballs at houses etc.). I sold all my stuff at extortionatly high rates, apart from one set of camo's, which I kept for fun. SCAMMING BRITANNIA MUSIC You all know about the Britannia music club, and how its mainly a cheap trick. Well, you can counteract the evils of this by the following methods: CDR Copys You will need a CD writer for this, but its the easiest method. Please note you can only do this once every six months cause Britannia get suspicuios about repeat memberships. If you havn't guessed already, what you are gonna do is: 1. Get Original CD's 2. Copy CD's 3. Send Original CD's back 4. Pay nothing, enjoy music To get decent music, not the shit they advertise in the catalogue, log on to www.britmusic.co.uk and have a gander. Soon you will have 6 CD's chosen, so fill in your name and address. Now wait. And wait more. Finally your CD's will come. Open the packaging carefully and copy straight away. You can send the CD's back now (Payinf the odd quid or some for postage) or not have to pay for postage via the following method. Ring customer care and say you dont know why this parcel has come as you havn't ordered anything. They will say its a hoax or a joke and sent you a pre-paid address label for you to put on your parcel and send back. Easy eh? Fake Address Of course, not everyone wants a CD collection full of copys do they? Well, the old dead house trick should suffice here. Find a disused property near you and arrange deliverly to that address. Leave a giant note on the letter box, saying PLEASE LEAVE PARCEL ON DOORSTEP/ROUND BACK/WHEREVER. THANKYOU (sign fake name from address) Now check everyday to see if your parcel has arrived. Then collect it. If collecting proves troublesome (As neighbors keep watching you) use the old trick of losing your football down the drive or whatever. Then get your ball (and parcel) and take to the skys! The Customer Is Always Right Method This trick only works once and only gets you one CD. Join and select some CD's making sure you order good ones. When then arrive, compare them and choose which one you want to keep. Now ring customer support saying either: Your CD's have arrived and one is missing (This means they will send another so you have two and then cancel the membership) or say that you havn't signed up for Britannia Music and could you please tell me how to send them back free-of-charge. They owe you this as it is illegal for them to charge for un-wanted service. Then just dont put the one you want in, hehe). Then when they phone about it, deny all knowledge because I AM RIGHT! I hope this has benifitted some people somehow. Most probably it hasn't, sorry! Thanx for reading, if ya got any questions e-mail me. Wellso wellso@southofheaven.fsnet.co.uk http://www.southofheaven.fsnet.co.uk ICQ: 63795298 "If must of read a thousand faces" - Arcarsenal - At The Drive-In